Mesdames et Messieurs, Voilà, C'est Vous

[lesmodsalouette]

Bievenue

You're wrapped in a soothing, all-encompassing darkness.

Well, perhaps not perfectly all-encompassing -- you can see some slivers of light here and there, just enough to realize that your current space is literally wrapped in something, and that you are a highly customized burrito at the mercy of an entirely too fluffy bed and set of blankets. Moreover: you are definitely not alone.

Depending upon the contents of your bed (two of you, waking up dressed exactly in what you wore last you remember back where each of you came from, in the exact same state as those last moments no matter how illogical or disjointed), it may not be comfortable or feasible to stay cocooned up for much longer. There's a low, muted GONG, GONGG coming from not far away, your bed creaks like a beleaguered ship in an unannounced storm, and it is joined by even more noises of movement beyond the bed canopy as you try to take stock of where you are.

Eventually, you either fall out of bed or drag yourself into this world: your new and strangely crowded personal rooms, the clock insistently sounding out the hour, and the halls and heraldry of the venerable Château Ambregris -- a lavishly decorated and fully furnished version of a more-or-less authentic French castle (assuming you know what France or a castle are).

Left to your own devices for the moment, you may find it helpful to explore the castle for your own purposes, check out the suspicious statues and personalized plaques in the Promenade of Reflexion, or perhaps to try to get to the bottom of the mysterious and frankly alarming amount of bread piled up in front of the place settings in the Banquet Hall. (Were you thinking of escaping? Any attempts to leave the property will be met with no forward progress at all, treadmill style). There's just about every kind of loaf, roll, boule, baguette, croissant or even animal-shaped bread you can think of stacked in baskets. There's absolutely nothing else save for plain bread, but at least you won't starve.

[OOC: Welcome to Château Ambregris, a perfectly normal castle receiving perfectly normal guests. Feel free to ask any questions in discord! The NPC Meet & Greet will be later today, March 8 at 6 PM EST/3 PM PST.]

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Comments

[fourtuity]

[ Oh, she's done. She's absolutely losing her mind. ]

What the hell?! Screw this bullshit! A complete moron is doing the kidnapping this time? God damnit, tell me I can step on him!

[ BGM: COWBOY FUCKING SCREAMING IN THE SKY ]

[calamitish]

Hey!!!! I'm not a complete moron!

[ Not disputing the moron part though. ]

[fourtuity]

Up yours! You better not think we should let this slide with a "teehee, sowwy 'bout that~"!

[ She is in fact (badly) imitating his voice as she says that. ]

[calamitish]

That's not fair, I totally don't sound like that!

[fourtuity]

"That's not fair, I totally don't sound like that!"

[ She's saying this in her best surfer dude accent. ]

[calamitish]

HEY! I don't have that weird accent either!!!!

[fourtuity]

Suuuure you don't. And guess what? You can pay for my silence immediately if you bring us back!

[ She's still speaking in a surfer dude accent... ]

[calamitish]

If you're gonna mimic someone, at least do it correctly!

[ When he speaks again, he sounds exactly like her. Pitch perfect actually.

Didn't he say he was out of magic though in another thread? Hmmm. ]

I can't right now. And if you keep talking to me like that I'll bring everyone back but you.

[fourtuity]

Creeeepy.

[ She crosses her arms. She's back to her normal voice only because she doesn't like surfer dude accents. (Hence why she was using one in the first place.) ]

Really? Man, if I fucked up that bad, I'd accept that they have the right to shit talk me. Sure, you're sorry, but what're you gonna do to actually solve this?

[ Unspoken: You are solving this, right? ]

[calamitish]

Shit talking isn't parroting someone.

[ Eyeroll. ]

And I'll fix it, when I can. That's enough right?

[fourtuity]

It absolutely falls under the umbrella of shit talking!

[ Siiiiiigh, why does she keep getting dragged into bullshit. ]

Maybe if you gave a proper, transparent schedule? You can't just politician your way outta this.

[calamitish]

I can't?

[ That definitely sounds like a Challenge. ]

Everyone else believes me.

[ They do not. But some do, probably (?). ]

[fourtuity]

Maybe you'd seem more trustworthy if you didn't blow off so much hot air?

[ Raising an eyebrow. ]

I'm being dead serious here, I don't care how or even why you fucked up, but you and whoever else you're working with have gotta show us everything you're doing to fix this. I just wanna go home, and that's what I'm sure almost everyone here thinks.

[calamitish]

I'm not working with anyone else!

Do you want to just stare at me while I work or something? That's creeeepy.

[fourtuity]

Not cute enough for that, sorry. [ Not sorry. ] But how the heck are we supposed to know you aren't gonna haul ass and leave us out to dry?

[calamitish]

[ Wow!!! ]

I mean, you don't? But what would I get out of you all dying for no reason? Nothing! So I won't.

[the_obedient_servant]

If you did, it would actually be slightly less pathetic than the vague mumbled excuses.

[diel]

[ inching away bc look at her sharp heels. holy shit he's terrified. women are so scary!! ]

[fourtuity]

[ wow dude she's not here to indulge in kinks

but uh she's kinda distracted by Yelling A Lot right now so good for him? ]

[diel]

[ whoa whoa whoa no talking about kinks in this holy castle ]

[simulacres]

I think we're going to have to depend on him to get us back, though...

[ which is probably the worst part of this, actually. ]

[fourtuity]

[ She...has a point. Oh no. Oh noooooooooo— ]

Uhh... Can't say I trust that dude to not fuck it up again...

[simulacres]

Me neither.

[ and she SIGHS. ]

An idiot with too much power is probably the worst kind of idiot we can have.

[fourtuity]

Yeaaaah, this ain't good at all. I'm haunting his ass if he can't bring us back.

[ except that one guy thanking witchy over there???? ]

[simulacres]

Likewise.

[ she nods. ]