TRIAL IV

[lesmodsalouette]

Trial

Another Saturday, but this Saturday is your last Saturday. If everything holds, if everything works out. After all you've been through, are you capable of being an optimist? The carnival calls regardless, furniture arranged around as they always are with banquet table and pit in the middle.

This week's new offerings are: a fluffy loaf of a certain type of rye bread, a hearty beef stew and an assortment of fresh pies with candied fruit and cream.

For the last time, find out who killed two of your own: G'raha Tia and Sariel.

(( OOC: Welcome to your first trial! You'll have 7 hours (until 8 PM EDT/5 PM PDT) to vote one (1) person guilty of murder. As this is scapegoat style, a correct vote is not necessary. Please remember to vote unless otherwise discussed with the mods, as that is our AC for this game ))

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cw: suicidal ideation references

[coldseep]

( Blade was certainly one of the ones he expected to have to confront should the truth come out, given what he saw of him in Primrose earlier in the night, and during trial.

He exhales soft, as if dismissing his grief. It does not leave him, as much as he wish it were as simple as pulling off a cloak - it weighs heavy in his chest.

But he knows what he did, and he did it for precisely this reason. He cannot complain about his own hurt now— not when he wanted to confront it. )

You all told me to live. I yearned so badly for the death I'd been denied, to be free of what hurts me - and yet, you all insisted. And, little by little, it moved me so sincerely, I couldn't help but admire the beauty of it.

( And this is what he is - a creature of emotion, of raw nature, blown by the winds of the people around him. He's too sentimental; too unprincipled; too easily influenced.

You all told him to live, live, live - and so, he began to see the splendor in it, despite how much he sought death. )

... But how could I? I can't live, as I am. I love too much. I love you all. I see the beauty in things too easily. I care for those who would become enemies. I don't have the firmness in my heart to say - I will love this one more than you. I will protect them first.

When Siffrin and Ayaka, Richard... when they were at odds, I could choose no side. And that is how it always is, for me. If any of them had died, I would have lost myself to grief.

But I had wronged all of them by failing to choose. I failed Gwawlyn this way. Balthazar, too. My devotion was not enough.

( And so.

And so...

His brows furrow, bittersweet - as if he wishes there were any other conclusion. As if he had run the math through a thousand, thousand times, but there only came one answer, and it was this. )

And so I had to learn to take a side. And so, to keep my promises, for the first time... I had to learn how to protect my loved ones, or else I'd be right back at square one. My beloveds at odds, and me, paralysed. If I could not let myself die, then...

To protect my friends, I had to learn how to kill my friends.

... But I wish that wasn't the price for my life.

( He still wishes he were dead.

But you all asked him to live, and so. )

[the_obedient_servant]

I should have killed you when the second week rolled around. It would save us all from having to listen to this drivel.

[remainsilent]

[ help ]

[coldseep]

I'd say you prattle just as much as me, though?

[the_obedient_servant]

I'm biased in favor of my own prattle.

[cleansheets]

[ He's learned earlier this trial that Hwyl's way of loving is completely alien to him. Hwylryn would thrive on tainted sheets. Hwylryn would ask to be stained, if it meant he could feel something.

Angelo knows that he'll never understand. They may be united in grief, but they're grieving something wholly different.

So all he has left to ask is one thing. ]

Did you think you would grant me a meaningful death, like this?

[ Or was I just convenient? ]

[coldseep]

( He shakes his head. )

I hoped a miracle would happen, for you. I don't know how, but I wished you could find a way to live that felt right by you and your pride, that felt right to you and your devotion.

( But. )

But, you know... when my brother tried to kill me, that was love. It might sound strange, but it's true.

And I love you very much, Angelo.

( And so it follows. Sophistry aside, Angelo was convenient - but, to Hwylryn, his motives are far more poetic.

Far more alien, to any human thing. )

1/2

[cleansheets]

[ Angelo wants to disbelieve this. To think that he could be loved by anybody here is too much to bear, and Hwylryn so clearly has so many people he cares more about. To have been used as a scapegoat because he was easy to blame, that would have hurt... but it would have been understandable. That is how humans are. It's been his constant refrain going through this ordeal. It would have proven a point.

But Hwylryn isn't human.

Watching him transform and eat a person hadn't been enough to drive that home before. Angelo still felt a kinship between them, still felt like he had the same rights to grief as the immortal. The weight of his feelings, the weight of Hwylryn's feelings... To Angelo they had been the same and that had been enough.

It took until today to realize that while the weight might bear down on them identically, the shape of their love is completely different.

Hwylryn isn't human.

All of Angelo's disdain for humanity, all the coldness he feels towards its cruelty... None of it applies.

In the Captain, Angelo had chased a love that transcends humanity. The Captain had been a concept in human form, an empty vessel, a void, an absence, a black abyss... and he'd been calming and comforting in it. Angelo doesn't know if he'd been loved - hadn't dared to hope for it. To devote himself fully had been enough.

So it's only now that the love of the inhuman comes crashing down on him.

Blaming him, violating him, ripping him apart with teeth and claws. Just a fragment of the love of a dragon, merely a tiny piece of all the love Hwylryn has to give.

Is this the kind of transcendental affection he'd always been craving? The kind of destruction he'd been chasing for so long? Is this relief? Then why is he trembling? Why does he feel like he wants to scream even though there is no air left in his lungs? Why does he want to run and hide?

Don't look at me like that. Don't offer me that kind understanding gaze. ]

2/2

[cleansheets]

[ And with clarity, Angelo realizes: This isn't what he wanted. Even if Hwylryn had loved him as more than a tangential afterthought, even if the full weight of that affection had come crashing down on him like it had fallen onto Sariel and G'raha... That isn't what he wanted.

It's not enough for it to be inhuman, it's not enough for it to be violent.

The brilliant red in front of him isn't returning. Full Frontal's tired back, his distant gaze, his calming voice... It's all burned out.

Angelo's gaze falls, the fire of his anger extinguishing as well.

There's nothing here. He's empty now. ]

My miracle has already come and gone.

[ A once in a lifetime acceptance, an exhilaration so potent that it made every atom of his body sing. ]

I'm not like you. I won't find another.

[ But he's here and he's alive. And he won't die now. Not to Hwylryn's schemes and twisted sympathy, not to anybody. They're not worth it. It's the first and most important thing Full Frontal had given him: worth.

He's dirty now, the clean sheets of his childhood torn to nothing but shreds, but he's not going to let that last ember of worth go out pointlessly. ]

But this isn't the death I seek. I'm not giving it to any of you.

[simulacres]

But they...

[ ayaka's words die at the tip of her tongue as she listens to this reasoning. yes, she had been one of those that had encouraged him to live, and little did she know that it would have this effect.

she had always said that she would end up betraying those who got close to them, selling them out so that she could save herself. but when she sees and listens to hwylryn, she doesn't even feel that from him. she feels no malice, only the same innocence that you'd expect from anything in nature.

he wanted to please them. they wanted him to live. so live, he does. ]

How does Junior get involved in this?!

[coldseep]

( Ayaka really is so good at reading him... god bless her. I'm so sorry she's cursed with the knowledge Hwylryn intuition brings.

At this, a cloud crosses Hwylryn's expression.

During the trial, Hwylryn had gotten really emotional about Junior "picking fruit" for him and "falling out of a tree" - he'd said earnestly he shouldn't have let Junior do that for him.

Those feelings were all genuine, and heartrending. )

... I don't know how to kill like a person. I needed someone who would help me, who... wouldn't be at risk of being voted.

( And Junior did get some votes, but he didn't win the vote. Had execution been on, this would have been even more important. )

Because all I needed to do, to prove these things to myself, was to get through the trial. But I didn't want whoever helped me to suffer in my place.

[simulacres]

But he's a child!

[ and this is genuinely the only part that ayaka has a hard time wrapping her head around. the idea of forcing someone they care for so deeply to take those lives is something so twisted that it can't help but remind her of the person who gave her this body. ]

If you wanted help, there would have been others that could have helped you! There were other ways to protect him or live for him or whatever! He's already suffering as he is!

[ like. junior is not having a good time here, man. ]

[perfectpower]

[You know, he really should have expected this after all the bullshit in the anni 4 event. But somehow he didn't.]

[coldseep]

( )

1/2

[baebladie]

[ Blade begins to laugh.

It's a sound that resounds from the room in its entirety at hearing this.

Unfortunately voting for either one of them wouldn't have caused much in terms of an execution.

So, would have it really mattered in the end even if it got revealed?

Well, it's fine.

Vanis' target seems to be on Junior - and honestly, a child can very well sin, so is he surprised? No.

But, this?

Listening to this, it's amusing.

So twisted...

G'raha and Sariel died for this.

He already knows killing Hwylyrn wouldn't be gratifying. It spoils the thought, even as Vanis charges.

He wonders, is he angry that Junior has been roped into this? It's strange. He isn't sure what he's feeling at all, especially as he begins to stalk towards Hwylyn. ]

2/2 cw: self-harm mention

[baebladie]

You were moved...

This is how you show it?

[ Blade reaches out for one of Hwylryn's arms. Aiming for a tight grip.

Whether he does successfully or not - he will probably need to let go or stop because Vanis is happening.

He spoke the words at one point. To encourage Hwylyrn to move forward.

He'll remember that. ]

Is that why you hurt yourself too?

...Did a part of you enjoy it? Ripping them apart? Piece by piece?

[ocenon]

[ ..... watching Dan Heng............... ]

[remainsilent]

[ Don't worry, he's standing near. Blade isn't going for his sword, so he isn't moving to intervene just yet ]

cw: self-harm discussion

[coldseep]

( He can absolutely get his grip - Hwylryn won't stop him; he doesn't seem focused on protecting himself, save from death, beyond just protecting Junior.

He watches Blade carefully as a predator sizes up another predator, and to the questions, he cannot answer in a way that is not authentic to himself. As always, as always. )

... Of course.

( To the first question or the second? Yes. )

It was fun. I had fun. Sariel chased me, you know? And then I chased him. But we went pretty far, and he— really would not stop. He burst through the doors, he tried to kill me in turn...

If I hadn't skinned myself, wouldn't they have died for nothing? I hate myself, for killing them. But I love them, too. It wouldn't be fair to be caught so easy, after the things I'd done.

You said it yourself, right? "See it through." ( What Blade had said at the start of the strip check. ) So I didn't feel right to confess, even though what Cain said moved me.

[arbalestrier]

[He'd thought there was something off when Hwylryn jumped to Junior's defense, but he wasn't sure if the same is happening now. He listens and listens and listens thinking there would be answers, but he's wrong. None of this really relates directly to what happened, and it sounds like useless sophistry to him. He can't erase the idea that it's all a show to protect Junior, but the first words that come to mind are--]

You're a coward.

[coldseep]

( Yeah, that's rude. Between Bradley and Sousuke, he's not engaging in that talk. )

A shame. I really did like you.

[ocenon]

[ His frown tightens into a thin line. ]

And what of Junior? Was he able to choose a side?

[ Because it really looks like that was made for him, given how everything looks. ]

[coldseep]

( Certainly, he asked Junior at every juncture, but he's not so foolish as to think that's defense. There is no correct answer here, because, fundamentally, children cannot choose. Few children would not crawl after their parent out of affection and instinct.

If Hwylryn did not understand this, he would not feel as guilty as he did when he asked Junior, in the lead-up, and in the after.

So he asks the more pragmatic question: )

What answer are you looking for here?

[uiscebeatha]

[ Cain is—


Furious.

The smell of brine comes back to him and it's back to square one. For all his effort to reach out and show grace to this particular entity, it feels wasted.

He's hurt, and betrayed. And not for reasons these other people might think.

Cain marches towards Hwylryn, eyes fixed squarely on him. It's a good thing they touched earlier in the morning, because now the dragon gets a blaze of gold set squarely on him that no one else has seen.

He should have warned everyone harder. He should have told everyone what a deadly, obsessively lethal combination North and West can be. He'd let his guard down, because no way a dragon could actually murder on his own without magic.

But getting a child involved is disgusting.

And framing Bradley? Stupid, stupid choice.

Killing two of the kindest people here for that? Cain can't take this.

His arm snaps forward, hand balling into a fist at the collar of Hwylryn's clothes, keeping him in place. He's much, much stronger than Hwylryn. He won't be able to get out of this.

He marches forward, not caring if he accidentally steps on him, or drags him too harshly in the grass. He holds him in a tight hold, close, so he can growl in a low voice: ]

If you were in pain, you should've said something.

[ After several paces, Cain pushes. He throws Hwylryn to the ground and offers him no chance to get up. ]

You should have—

[ His sword flourishes in his right hand. In a swift motion, he holds it above his head, tip pointing down at Hwylryn's head, and his knee falls to his chest, hard, to keep him in place. ]

—said something!

[ His momentum pulls him downward, the blade of his sword cutting through the air, towards Hwylryn—



Shrunk.



And pierces the soft ground beside his head.

Cain stares, Hwylryn's own grief mirrored back at him. He's not the only one that's lost this week. Not by a long shot. His long hair drapes around them, shielding them both from the sun.

His expression twists, upset and all.

When he speaks, his voice trembles. ]

I could have helped you.

[coldseep]

( Of all answers to his turn, of the censure and the dismissal, this one is the one that strikes a chord within Hwylryn the most. For all he has been dismissed as insincere, he has been genuine from beginning to end - if he had not, how could he have suffered over loss after loss? How could he not have driven himself mad with grief, until he reached this as his sole conclusion?

He'd thought it over, day by day, week by week, and though he wishes he had a few hundred more years, in this short time he had left before he would have to choose to return to die or make good on his promises and remain alive - this seemed to be the only arithmetic that allowed him a future.

Or, perhaps, it was the only arithmetic he wanted to use. The only one that did not tell him that senseless death is simply a part of life. That did not suggest to him to just do better next time. That did not comfort him and say that it is okay if he's failed for thousands of years - don't give up hope! He can still change. It's not too late.

Though he's on the outs with them, he agrees with Angelo and Chara in a particular regard: such platitudes could not penetrate the darkest parts of his heart. Could not reach its seafloor, where his despair settles like murk.

And so he didn't want to hear them. He was scared of them. He abhorred them.

But.

Because his feelings are authentic, Cain's sincerity reaches him, too. It sifts the sands there, even if it does not dispel his grief, his heart. It is a light that penetrates the waters as deep as light can go - and settles in a layer of his heart's sea that he did not think could see sun.

Hwylryn thinks now, as he has before - as he looks up at Cain and sees his struggle, his regret, his conflict - that the Northerner that has linked themselves to Cain is a fortunate one.

Would his life been different, if he had found someone of Central, someone like Cain, and remained beside them?

Would he have been able to change, before his path became set - before he grew into a shell too stiff, too thick for him to survive in, as he had now, like certain creatures of the sea?

The essence of looping time - branching time - is strange, to him. He wonders if there does exist another life, where he had met some form of Cain, and he had changed, and perhaps he still held his grief with him, but he had become a different sort of thing than the creature he is now, staring up at these mismatched eyes - hurt because of him; hurt for him. )

... I wish...

( A useless sentiment, and certainly one he hadn't earned. But, selfishly, as he's been selfish this entire time - selfishly, he says it: )

... I wish we'd met at another time. I wonder if... I would have spent my years happier, if I'd had someone like you to change me.

( It's not your fault, is what he means. It's what he hopes to convey. )

Thank you for your trust, Cain. I'm glad Akira has someone with you at his side. ( ... ) And... I hope you won't be persuaded from your instinct, the next time you're right.

( What he abstained from saying, when he'd brought up Gwawlyn at the trial, is that he is as he is to survive. He is charming, playful, and wheedling - he is so good at skating by with second chances that turn to thirds and fourths and fifths.

It isn't fair that he took advantages of a Central wizard for this, but Hwylryn hasn't been fair to any child here, has he? Not Junior, nor Cain. )